Wednesday, March 08, 2006

Scandalous JBlog Behaviour

When a J-Blogger tells another J-Blogger they love them… and the police are listening in

Yes, it happened to me last week (again!)

I'm happily married...and the other blogger is ALSO married (I’m pretty sure happily as well).

We're both religiously observant, Orthodox Jews.

We're both…male.

And then...out of the blue...on the phone, he says to me..."Love you."

And then…before I could say a word, a cop listening in says… “Yo amor la muchacha! Donde es la muchacha?!”

Now the domestic surveillance is all a result of Ehud Olmert adopting not only America’s Road Map, but also the Patriot Act. Luckily, all tapes of recorded phone conversations are shipped from Tel Aviv to New Jersey for analysis via ZIM containers and since the Israeli shipping company has contracts with the United Arab Emirates port management, for a small fee paid to a burly man named Akmed Rashid (no relation) they will coincidently lose the shipping container and have your tape ready for you on a deserted Haifa dock sometime between 2 and 4 a.m.

However, you must come alone and wave a flashlight back and forth as you walk up the pier.

Securing the tape may have erased the evidence of my brief blog affair, but it did not prevent the police officer from locating “La Muchacha,” an apparent misinterpretation of The Muqata.

Great. So he was on his way and he wanted a woman.

When he arrived, I was surprised to see that our eavesdropping Jerusalem Cop was none other than CHiPs’ Erik Estrada.

“Yo quiero to make dee aliyah to dee Yudea Samaria. Mine half-brahder es MK Geraldo Rivera. We have dee same madre but not dee same padre. Geraldo, hijo de la puta! La puta!” he explains.

“I am Jameel Rashid of The Muqata.”

“Jameel?! Afeminado?! Invertido?! … Maricon??!!”

“Jameel de La Muqata,” I respond half offended, half oddly intrigued.

“Oooooh. Tu es desde la muchacha. La muchacha!” he says excitedly. “Yo make dee aliyah to es La Muchacha! Yo dig el tunnelo under la fencia de securitio y migrato to La Muchacha! No more problema demographica!”

“No! No muchacha. La Muqata. La Muqata!” I correct him.

“La Muqata? Mah ze Muqata?” he wonders aloud.

“La Muqata,” I begin but stop abruptly trying to avoid embarrassing him with my mastery of the Spanish language. “The Muqata is a hamantashen farm, not a love farm.”

“No es casa de la puta?”

“No. Es la casa de la purim.”

“No chalupa?” he asks meekly.

“No. La Muqata es el koshero,” I reply.

“Ser mas puta que las gallinas! Dar candela por el culo!”

Wherever I drop my keys, my blog is behind me


Blogger ~ Sarah ~ said...

lol :P


2:55 AM  
Blogger Steg (dos iz nit der šteg) said...

tsk tsk tsk, all this cursing... i thought this was un blog para la familia!

¿¿¿¿dónde es la muchacha???? ROTFL (yes literally.. well maybe only LOL literally, there was a chair, but no floor involved)

4:08 AM  
Anonymous Stepima said...

this is hysterical!

4:57 AM  
Blogger the sabra said...

six thumbs up!
(who did this one?)

5:48 AM  
Anonymous Holy Hyrax said...

HAHAHAHAHA. This is the first one that actually made me cry from laughter.

Careful not to drop your keys.

9:26 PM  
Anonymous ze'ev said...

2:58 PM  
Blogger elf said...

HA! Whoever did these is very talented.

5:04 PM  
Blogger westbankmama said...

LOL - Jameel, you have to "out" the people writing these...

2:02 AM  

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